What To Do
Remember that it is never your friend’s fault if they were subjected to sexual violence. Not telling adults about what happened can make the situation worse.
Here are some tips for what you can do to help your friend in this situation:
-
Listen to your friend and believe their story.
-
Tell your friend that what happened is not their fault. Only the perpetrator deserves to feel guilt and shame.
-
Encourage your friend to tell a safe adult about what happened. A safe adult could be, for example, a teacher, a school counsellor or a school psychologist.
-
Your friend may feel embarrassed, anxious or scared and may think that involving adults will only make things worse. In that case:
-
Offer to accompany your friend to tell an adult.
-
Offer to speak to an adult for your friend.
-
If speaking to an adult feels difficult, suggest that you and your friend write down what happened on a piece of paper and bring it together to a safe adult at school or your friend’s parent.
-
TIP! Try using the message template here if you’re not sure where to start.
-
-
If your friend does not agree to tell adults about what happened, talk to a safe adult yourself. Keeping it a secret only protects the perpetrator of sexual violence. The best way to help your friend is by telling a safe adult what happened.
-
Although it might feel like you are breaking your friend’s trust, by telling a safe adult you are helping your friend to get the support that they need. If telling an adult causes any problems in your friendship, ask trusted adults at school for support for yourself as well.
-
-
-
-
Encourage your friend to send a message to this person asking them to delete the picture, for example: “You do not have the right to keep my picture/video or share it with anyone. I want you to delete my picture/video immediately.”
-
Ask your friend to take a screenshot of this message so that the date when the message was sent is visible. Ask your friend to save this chat and the message just in case.
-
If the person refuses to delete the nude, encourage your friend to tell an adult.
-
-
Ask your friend to take a screenshot of the nude picture/video that was spread, so that the date it was posted is visible.
-
Encourage your friend to send a message to the person who spread the picture/video, asking them to delete it. For example: “You do not have the right to keep my picture/video or share it with anyone. I want you to delete my picture/video immediately.”
-
Encourage your friend to talk to a safe adult who can help report what happened to the police.
Receiving support from a safe and reliable adult makes it easier to report what happened to the police. Spread nudes often cause a lot of anxiety, shame, and guilt, so it is important that adults help your friend to get the right support in this situation. In some cases, your friend might also need professional help.
-
-
Discuss with your friend who would be a safe and reliable adult to tell about their experience. It could be, for example, your friend’s parent or caregiver, your parent or caregiver, a teacher, a school counsellor, a school psychologist, or the police.
-
Offer to accompany your friend when they talk to an adult or ask if it’s okay for you to tell what happened on your friend’s behalf if they are having a hard time talking about it.
-
If your friend is nervous and finds it difficult to talk to an adult, try using the message template to communicate in a written form. Writing down the events and your thoughts and feelings can also help your friend calm down.
-
It is a trusted adult’s duty to help inform the police if they have a reason to suspect that a crime was committed.
-
If you suspect that your friend or anyone else is in immediate danger of becoming a victim of sexual violence, call the emergency number 112.
There are many options for finding help. Learn more about different support services in Finland here.
-
Your friend may repeatedly tell you not to talk about what happened or ask you to keep it a secret. Tell your friend that secrets should not be hurtful. You can emphasise that keeping the secret only helps the perpetrator of sexual violence hide what they did, and that you now need help from an adult.
If your friend still does not want to tell an adult, it is still important that you help your friend get support. Talk to a trusted adult yourself and tell them about what happened. A trusted adult can be a teacher, school counsellor or a school psychologist who can provide support and information on what to do next.
In their distress, your friend may not understand that they need support from an adult. They will likely understand after some time has passed. Your friend may be angry or hurt when they learn that you have told an adult about what happened. Explain to them that you are doing it because you care about them and want to help, and that a safe adult can help them find support. Tell your friend that they are not alone, because you stand with them.
Friendships are an important part of life. And sometimes friendships might hurt. But getting support is the best path towards hope and healing.
If you or your friend have experienced or are at risk of experiencing sexual violence, there is help available. If someone has told you a secret that worries or scares you, you are not alone and you do not have to keep it to yourself. There are many options for finding help. Learn more about different support services in Finland here.
Resources
There are many resources to help you and your friend.
We've divided the resources on this page into 2 categories:
